You've Got a Friend

          I wonder if Solomon learned about friendship while seated at the dinner table of his father. One day, there was a new man at the king's table. Solomon was used to royal messengers, ambassadors, and kings and queens visiting Israel to meet his famous father. But this man was crippled from the time he was a child. Yet, he was allowed into the presence of the king, not as a one-time visitor, but as a regular guest at the king's table. He received a regular stipend from the king and came under the care and the protection of David himself. Perhaps Solomon's inquisitive mind began to search out the reasons. The cripple was Mephibosheth. David was showing favor to him in memory of a unique relationship- his friendship with his father, Jonathan.

          Years later, when David and Jonathan were dead, David's son would take pen in hand to write about friendship. He remembered his father's stories and read the court records. Solomon's teaching on friendship was not abstract or theoretical, but the words of a man who understood friendship. He saw it in the daily example of his father and the honor he paid to Jonathan's son.

Characteristics of a True Friend

          Jonathan and David were fast friends. They loved God and each other. Jonathan was King Saul's son. Jonathan possessed an incredible spirit of unselfishness: Though he was next in line to be king, he gave David his robe, tunic, sword, bow, and belt. Solomon would later write: "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed" (11:25). He loved him and was not afraid to be second to David. He rejoiced in the possibility.

          Saul began to be jealous of David, both for his ability in war and because he knew God had chosen him to be the next king. Saul was jealous for his own throne, and he wanted to pass it on to his own capable son, but David stood in the way. He was afraid of David, because he knew God's spirit had left him to reside on David. Saul decided to kill David over the objections of his son.

A friend loves at all times; and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)

          When David was running from King Saul, in the days between anointing and coronation, he led his men to deliver Keilah from the looting Philistine vandals. Each time Keilah tried to harvest its grain, the Philistines would sweep onto the threshing floors and steal the grain. David's mighty men complained that they were already "afraid in Judah" and running for their lives. Why should they add going to war for the sake of the city to their concerns? David persuaded them and the victory was great.

          Then, they heard that Saul and his army were on their way. David inquired of the ephod held by Abiathar: Would Keilah now stand with David against Saul, or would they turn David over to him? The answer was unsettling. Even though David had inflicted heavy losses on the Philistines, Keilah was willing to give David up. David and his 600 men left the city and moved from place to place in the desert until they camped in Horesh. Rumor came that Saul was coming after David to take his life.

David might have gotten discouraged. His men were afraid. Keilah had betrayed him. The king wanted to kill him. The story, however, had a different end: "And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God." What a friend!

          Years later, Solomon would list the characteristics of a good friend. He would warn his students against becoming a companion of fools and urge them to seek out the friendship of the righteous. How would they recognize him?

          Faithfulness in friendship would be his first requirement. A friend is one who stands committed to the relationship, one who exhibits "faithful love." This kind of love was covenantal- a promise to remain in relationship with the other through good times and bad. "A man of many friends may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (18:24), It is unfailing love that meets the desires of a man's heart (27:10).

Suppose a man is arrested and tried in court. Some friends listen to the evidence that is presented and decide innocence or guilt. Others believe in his innocence even when the evidence seems to go the other way. 'When he is finally exonerated, who is the true friend? "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find" (20:6)?

          When Jonathan talked with David, he reminded him of the promises God had made. He knew that David would be the next king and Jonathan looked forward to serving with and under his friend. His counsel restored David's confidence in God: "Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel" (27:9, 17). Solomon knew that words carry incredible power to invigorate the soul. When David faced worse circumstances, wives and children carried off into captivity and his men threatening to kill him (I Sam. 30:6), he had learned the lesson of Jonathan and was able to find strength in God on his own.

Words also have the power to flatter and deceive. "Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet" (29:5). The wounds of a friend, however, can be trusted (27:6). It is a rare thing to find someone who knows the truth about you, is willing to call you to account when you err and loves you anyway. "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue" (28:23).

          If a friend could recognize your sin and confront it, he also knew how to cover over an offense (17:9). He showed love in correction. He showed love in forgiving.

Solomon no doubt heard the stories of his father and knew what a rare gift Jonathan had been. When Jonathan died in battle, David was stricken with grief, yet paid his friend this glowing tribute:

          "I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother, 

          You were very dear to me.

          Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.

          How the mighty have fallen!

          The weapons of war have perished!" (Il Samuel I :26-27).

 

Characteristics of a False Friend

Solomon is writing to students who might one day rule, at least in some capacity, themselves. He knows that people of wealth and influence are often targets for the unscrupulous. They attract men and women who want to share in the limelight. Some are looking for a piece of their wealth. Solomon wanted his sons to be wise in the choice of companions, to be careful in the selection of a friend: "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray" (12:26). Solomon's own son split the kingdom because he did not listen to the advice of his father's counselors but listened instead to his own peers (I Kings 12).

          The quickest test of the character of a son or daughter is the choice of a friend. Parents always want to blame the bad influence across the street, but Proverbs says the companion of a fool is also a fool. "Iron sharpens iron" is a truism, but it works either way. When I lived overseas, I often tutored students in conversational English. The student would choose a topic and we would discuss it. The student had to listen, translate, and form English responses. Often, his English would be broken, and his sentence structure affected my English. One student used the phrase "bad benefits," and it took me forever to get it out of my vocabulary!

          We become like the people we spend time with. "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared" (22:24). Foolishness is a virus easily caught. Find companions who want to follow the Lord- who have the character to become a true friend.

          Proverbs often ties money and influence to friendship. "Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend deserts him" (19:4). The fair weather friend disappears when trouble comes, in spite of the pleading of the poor. "A poor man is shunned by all his relatives- how much more do his friends avoid him! Though he pursues them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found" (19:7

          The rich, however, have many friends (14:20). People love their gifts and curry favor with a ruler (19:6) to gain influence. Money draws people to you, poverty drives them away. Don't let the influence go to your head. This type of friendship doesn't last. Ask the Prodigal Son!

          If God blesses you with a true friend, he has been doubly good. Wisdom reminds us that trust is a basic ingredient in friendship and the tongue can destroy even close friendships (17:9). "A perverse man stirs up dissension and gossip separates close friends" (16:28). Gossip destroys that trust. Humility and forgiveness are the first steps back.

Friendship with Christ

          David was a blessed man. Jonathan was unique. He understood his place before God and rejoiced in the promotion of another above him. He gave of himself and risked his own life to be an encouragement to David - to help him see God in the midst of trying circumstances. He was a friend on whom David could safely rest his heart. I suspect Solomon, in all his royal finery, was a little jealous. I am.

          I've been blessed with a few true friends. A room-mate from my Freshman year of college, a fellow-teacher overseas, a pastor, my wife. It is a rare person who is constant in friendship, candid in counsel, giving, and forgiving. Yet there is One who anchors my soul more than all the others. I often forget that He desires my friendship. I depend on His. Jesus knows me as I am. He forgives me. He loves me enough to speak the truth to me. And He will never leave me. His friendship is available to you as well.

          "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends..." (John 15:13-14).

The Treaty of the Great King

              The great king sat before his court and listened as his words were read back to him:

These are the words of the Sun Mursilis, the great King, the King of the Hatti land, the valiant, the favorite of the storm-god…

The Suzerain leaned forward intently. He held many nations under his control. With each kingdom he had written a treaty, ending war and permitting peace. Each treaty would describe the history of the two nations, the rules and regulations, the consequences of disobedience, the blessings of obedience, and the witness of the gods. The hope was that the authority of Mursilis would be recognized and rebellion avoided. Sometimes pride and independence made peace a fragile thing, and unity suffered at the hands of young, head-strong kings.

Your father and your grandfather before him have loyally served me. They have enjoyed my just oversight. Remember that I have remained true to the promise I made to your father to secure the throne for you, sick and ailing though you were. Now you, O king, remain loyal to the king of the Hatti land, my sons and my grandsons forever. Do not turn your eye to anyone else.

The nations had been at peace for three generations and the great king wanted to remove any possibility of revolt. When the old vassal king had died, Mursilis had intervened to help the son rise to power. The new king owed his position to Mursilis and the latter had no desire to return to war, to destroy what had become a long-standing relationship. He hoped to maintain the harmony of two nations.

The Great King demanded allegiance. His position or authority had to remain unquestioned. The new king had to learn to fear him as his father did. Mursilis deserved nothing less. But he wanted more. Somehow, in the midst of this one-sided political alliance, a friendship could be developed. While this treaty would remind the young ruler that Mursilis was the ultimate authority in that region, it would also invite him to 'know the King' and come to ‘love’ him. The treaty would explain to the new vassal king what was due and what the consequences would be for disobedience. It would also explain the blessing that would come to his nation if he obeyed.

A copy of this tablet has been deposited before the Sun-goddess of Arinna. A duplicate has been deposited before you, O king. At regular intervals shall they read it in the presence of the king and in the presence of the sons of the country.

The Great King leaned back in his throne and sighed. He understood the import of the treaty. It meant continued peace and benevolence between their nations or a coming conflict that would mark the quick destruction of a rogue power. He knew that the answer to the future lay in the breast of the young king. Would his heart listen to the voice of humility and allow a new friendship to grow, as his father had done? Or would the voice of pride erase the progress and prosperity both countries had known and bring about destruction and bloodshed?

A Parable for Our Times

It wasn't until the middle or the twentieth century that scholars made a startling discovery. Much of the language of ancient near-eastern treaties could be found in the Pentateuch. Words like “fear,” "know," and "love" were treaty terms. Even the major sections of the treaty could be found in the book of Deuteronomy. God used the language of a treaty to communicate to his wayward nation the relationship he wanted to have with them.

Moses, late in life, set down for a second time the laws of God. His readers were a new generation. At the end of the book or Deuteronomy, he calls Israel to a single-minded obedience to the treaty. He also shudders deep within because he knows from experience that they are prone to wander.

“For I know how rebellious and stiff-necked you are. If you have been rebellious against the LORD while I am still alive and with you, how much more will you rebel after I die!”

                                                                                   -Deuteronomy 31:27

 

It is in this context that the word “fear” is used. It describes the submission due a conquering King. John Bunyan wrote, “The presence of a king is dreadful to his subjects, even if he carries himself ever so condescendingly. If then there is so much glory and dread in the presence of a king, what fear and dread must there be in the presence of the eternal God!”

The patriarchs understood this relationship: Twice Jacob re referred to the God of his Father with an interesting circumlocution: The "Fear" of Isaac. Fear was such an integral part of a relationship with God that it could serve as a reference to God Himself.

When Moses led the Israelites to the edge of the Red Sea, they were cornered, the armies of Egypt in one direction, the Red Sea in the other. We know what happened because we've heard the story so often, but the Israelites had never heard or seen such a miracle as the parting of the Red Sea. 600,000 fighting men, along with women and children walked through the first aquarium to the other side. What is holding the walls of water on both sides? Far above their heads, fish are swimming. Mothers rush their children through while they point at this sudden window into an underwater world. No discernable power holds the water in walls, but it does not fall. When everyone is safe, they turn to watch the walls collapse in one roar as nature returns to normal:

“And when the Israelites saw the great power the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in Him and in Moses his servant.”

-Exodus 14:31

 

The fear was born out of the display of the King's power. We are used to the fact that nature is predictable and when we see a power so awesome as to set the rules or nature aside, we fear.

There is more to fear of God than just marveling at His power. We must remember that we are by nature His enemies. We are rebellious vassals. Sin has made us the objects of His wrath.

“Who knows the power of Your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.”

-Psalm 90:11

 

“You alone are to be feared. Who can stand before You when You are angry?”

-Psalm 76:7

 

In case you think this is merely Old Testament sentiment, listen to the author of the Book of

Hebrews:

“It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

-Hebrews 10:31

 

Or the words of Jesus:

“I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who can kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear Him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell.

Luke 12:4-5

 

We fear because we see God's awesome power. We fear because that awesome power is leveled against us by God's holiness. There are a few people who could testify to the swiftness of God's retribution. Nadab and Abihu experienced the swiftness of God's judgment when they didn't follow God's regulations in worship (Leviticus 10:1-3). When Uzzah tried to protect the ark from being defiled by the mire, God look His life for defiling the ark with sinful hands (2 Samuel 6:6-7). God took the lives of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11) for lying to the Holy Spirit, and as a result, "great fear seized the whole church.”

 

A Man's Got to Know His Limitations

Now here is the crux of the matter for our purposes in the study of wisdom. According to Solomon "fear" is the starting point, the only doorway to the path of wisdom. This motto appears twice in Proverbs in slightly different forms:

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

-Proverbs 1:7

 

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy one is understanding.”

-Proverbs 9:10

 

Proper fear of God is a pre-requisite for wisdom. Folly despises wisdom and instruction because at the heart it is rebellious. Without fear, wisdom is only craftiness and manipulation. Honesty, morality, and generosity all flow from a heart that fears the Lord.

Fear puts man in his proper place before a holy God. What is the proper demeanor for a sinner before a holy God? Proverbs 15:33 uses “humility” as the parallel term for fear of the Lord. If one would begin the path to wisdom, he must spread himself in humility before the Great King and bow to His authority.

God's authority is the sticking point for our modern culture. We cheer when a rebel beats the system. We respect those who have succeeded against the odds using their own power and ingenuity. If they fail, they crash into the white cliffs of Dover defiant to the end. Our culture is suspiciously similar to the lines of “Invictus”:

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

 

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

 Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the Menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

 

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

 

The poet, William Ernest Henley, had lost his health and suffered the death of a child. He never recovered from the tragedy and shook his fist at God. In his heart, he set aside Christianity. Our culture applauds his unconquerable spirit, but it is not the end of the story. He was not the master of his fate. God was.

“Therefore God exalted/Christ/to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.”

-Philippians 2:9-11

Even as Christians, we must be careful to fear the Lord. Because our hearts are deceitful, we will do anything to avoid bowing before Him. We would rather neuter God than approach Him in humility. But, when we take away His authority, we also take away His protection and His pardon. We are left alone.

 

The Benefits of Fear

If we work at fearing God and learning to trust Him, there are several benefits. The fear of God puts our relationship into proper perspective. Instead of trusting our own good standing, our strength and intellect, we bow before His Unconquerable power, His love and mercy to rebellious creatures like you and me. Only then will we be able to marvel in His mercy and rejoice in His grace. Humility allows us to relate to our Great King and to celebrate His provision. It makes His love for us all the more marvelous.

Fearing God also puts us into a teachable frame of mind. Now that I know who God is and who I am, I want to know Him better. How awesome is this God who bids me follow Him! "Knowledge or the Holy One is understanding," and when the mind is ready, the teacher will come.

Remember the lines to the old hymn: "prone to wander, Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love?" Cultivating the fear of God can be a wonderful protection.

"I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me.”

-Jeremiah 32:40

God knows that the very best He can offer us is friendship with Himself. He has more love for us than to allow us to wander away. He will inspire fear, so that we are not ultimately harmed.

Finally, when we fear God, it is an exclusive fear. Fear of God and of men or circumstances cannot co-exist. We can trade in all of our fears and anxieties for one the fear of God. And in Him, there is ultimate safety.

"Fear of men will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

-Proverbs 29:25

Restraining Mercy

 

“Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”

-Ecclesiastes 4:10b

            The author of I Samuel takes great pains to compare the character and leadership style of Saul with that of David.  Saul is head and shoulders above everyone else.  His stature is a special talent that is useful to the community, but he never fits in to that community.  His individualism and his autonomy plague both his public and private lives.  He moves against David as a powerful, unaccountable tyrant.  Even when he apologizes to David and promises “I will no more do you harm” (I Samuel 26:21),  David is not convinced:  “Now I shall perish one day by the hand of Saul” (I Samuel 27:1).

            Saul’s connection to the community he serves hangs by a single thread:  Samuel.  When Samuel dies, there is no longer a voice to compete with the selfish jealousy of Saul’s heart.  In his final days, Saul will plead with the witch of Endor.  He begs for direction he trusts only Samuel to give.

            The pericope of David and Nabal exhibits a desire by the narrator to show that David is tempted to view his leadership in the same autonomous way, but he is willing to listen to the voice of one in the community without standing but with desperation in her voice.  David is confronted with his own selfish motives, but he listens.  He listens not just to the voice of a prophet, but to the voice of a mediating woman.  By this the narrator causes the reader to hope for better things during the reign of David.

 The Impact of Restraining Mercy on David

            The success of Abigail’s intervention is largely the result of her skills at mediation.  However, the character of a godly king is also in view.  He shows himself to be one who can be approached, confronted, and corrected.  He is even one who will then bless the restraining mercy of God.

            The reader can imagine the frustration in the mind of David as he flees Saul, refuses to take vengeance on him, and then to have a non-anointed, pompous herdsman insult his honor before his loyal men.  The dam of emotion was breached and the swell of passion overwhelmed him.  The personal desire for vengeance, just once to make things “right,” was the temptation to power, to autocracy, to tyranny.

            If we were honest with ourselves, we have all seen glimpses of the deeper darkness inside of us.   If external restraints were for a moment removed, who would we be?  What decisions would we make?  What consequences would result that we might never fully escape?  When Abigail speaks, David is confronted with the true nature of those emotions.  He suddenly sees the Saul impulse in himself.

            Here David does an amazing thing.  He blesses God!  He could have merely turned away from his course and that would have been good.  He could have blessed Abigail for her wisdom and left it there.  But he goes on to see the hand of God behind the whole affair.  The Sovereign God has sent Abigail to save him from sin.  It is the climax of the whole narrative.

            The voice of David undergoes a change in this passage.  In the throes of passion, he shouts the call to arms of a warrior:  “Every man strap on his sword” (I Samuel 25:13).  Later, when David recognizes the wisdom in Abigail’s restraint, he blesses God and returns to the voice of a king: “Go in peace to your house.  See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition” (I Samuel 25:35).  Willingness to listen to Abigail has made the difference.  The reader understands that David will not be a leader so disconnected from his people and from God that he cannot hear. 

 The Biblical Ministry of Intervention

            Abigail wasn’t the only person to risk speaking to David as mediator.  A leader must be willing to surround himself with people who can speak the truth to power with compassion.  Nathan spoke to David about his sin.  For a year, David had walked in private guilt over his adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah, her husband and one of David’s mighty men.  Nathan obeyed the call of God to approach the king and David repented.

            Nathan can be compared with David’s general, Joab.  Joab was complicit in the cover-up of David’s sin and the murder of Uriah.  Instead of confronting David, he went with the plan of David.  What fallout that decision had on David, his family, and the kingdom!  What if Joab had offered restraining mercy to David?

            Wisdom discusses the value of the stern rebuke. A scoffer like Nabal does not listen to rebuke (Proverbs 13:1).  Those who are wise, however, will find correction in a stern rebuke.  “It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools” (Ecc. 7:5).  The wise man cultivates a character that listens and fully responds:  “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool” (Proverbs 17:10).

            Only Jesus could play mediator for an event yet to come and provide a fitting rebuke to Peter.  Jesus predicts Peter’s denial.  He knows the guilt and shame that Peter will wrestle with as a result.  So, before Peter ever denies Christ, Jesus speaks with both rebuke and encouragement.  Peter will deny him three times, but Jesus will not set his ministry aside.  Christ will pray for him and Satan’s sifting will be thwarted: “And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:32).

            Jude reminds us that intervention must be done with mercy mixed with fear.  The mediator comes not only with mercy but with fear (cp. Jude 23).  The rescuer walks circumspectly, conscious of his own sin and vulnerability.  James writes of the reward.  Restraining mercy prevents a multitude of sins, eventual consequences along the path of sin:  “My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20).

            The ministry of intervention and restraining mercy is a community gift.  David is blessed for his association with Abigail and Nathan.  It is a credit to his own nature that he listens.  When the internal checks of wisdom and conscience have proved insufficient for the temptation, a compassionate external check is necessary.  Everyone has a responsibility to watch over his brother.        

The Effect of Mercy

            What is Mercy?  It is a part of the character of God.  It is the attribute that offers pardon for sins committed rather than strict justice for sins committed.  It is a sovereign impulse- never deserved or demanded.  “I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy” (Exodus 33:19).  Mercy is rescue and it has an element of urgency to it.  A common description of mercy by the prophets is “a stick snatched from the fire” (cp. Amos 4:11; Zechariah 3:2).  God moves to rescue us as we reach the point of destruction.  Only he, ultimately and finally, can keep us from stumbling and bring us faultless before His throne.  Such rescue brings Him glory and great joy (Jude 24-25).

            How great it is to join Christ in His work of mercy!  When Jude warns the church of the dangers of wandering in the face of false teaching, he gives us a three-fold charge:  Protect yourselves by wallowing in the love of God for you.  Have mercy on others while waiting for your full experience of mercy at His coming.  Move in ministry to save others with an urgency drawn from the jealous heart of God Himself.      

The Celebration of Rescue

            David exhibits real joy in his response to the intervention of Abigail.  Listen to the quick 3-fold blessing that bursts from his lips:

·         “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me” (I Samuel 25:32).  David see behind her actions the gracious work of God in stopping his anger from destroying an Israelite family.

·         “Blessed be your discretion” honors the wisdom she has shown.  Wisdom is seeing the present and the future from God’s perspective and then knowing what to do.  Abigail has shown great skill be recognizing the danger in the testimony of the servant, quickly assembling a gift, and measuring her words as she speaks to the king.  She affirms David’s right to the throne of Israel and rejoices in seeing its day.  She stops David from causing David from fighting against an Israelite.

·         “Blessed be you” is David’s recognition of her character and beauty in a more general sense.  He rejoices in the person who has made herself an instrument in the hands of God, willing to risk her life to save her family and the reputation of David among his own people.

There is nothing in David’s response that is defensive or critical.  He is self-forgetful in the display of restraining mercy he has experienced.  In his hindsight, he is grateful for being confronted with such grace that he is able to hear Abigail above the voices of his own anger and desire for revenge.

            I believe it is here that we see the “man after God’s own heart” (I Samuel 16:7).  In his blessing of God and Abigail he freely admits his weakness.  The destruction of Nabal’s home would have been a blight on his rulership.  God and Abigail have intervened to save him from the consequences he couldn’t see.

            How mature will be the church when it can one day openly celebrate the ministry of restraining mercy!  May God give us leaders with the same degree of self-forgetfulness.  May we all rejoice in the ministry of intervention in our lives.