I believe it was anger that put him out of the ministry. He was new to the mission and the field. He was filled with the excitement of new possibilities. As a pastor, he had a chair at our mission administration meetings. He took me once to the rooftop of his building and pointed out over the city and the number of souls it represented. He described the urgent need for evangelism in his area. He was going to take the world by storm. Then Satan set the trap.
He had a relative who also worked in our mission. The relative ran into difficulties with a boss who demanded obedience and loyalty above all else. His boss was also on our board. The pastor quickly sided with the relative. Angry words became resentments. Attempts to bring healing by the mission board through a covenant of trust went nowhere. He stated that it was a shame that members of the board could not trust each other anymore. He stormed out.
Within weeks I received another kind of phone call. Leaders in his church had a situation on their hands. The elders of the church had decided he could not lead their church anymore. He believed it was a conspiracy by the mission to get him out. Things would get worse before they got better.
"The Chief Saboteur of the Mind"
Anger begins with some annoyance, some obstacle in the way. Our progress toward some desired goal is blocked. We sense frustration, some threat or hurt, some injustice that needs to be rectified. There is a sense of righteous indignation. Sometimes scripture describes God as angry. Since God is perfect, his anger is always justified. Anger and righteous judgment are intertwined in his nature.
When we get angry, we feel that same sense of righteous indignation. A sly tongue (25:23) and craftiness (14:17) are sources of annoyance, even to a wise person. Unfortunately, our powers of perception are not perfect. Our nature and circumstances are marbled with sin. What we do next with our righteous indignation is critical. Humility will cause us to give the benefit of the doubt to another or at least to seek an explanation. Anger becomes sinful when pride steps in instead. One counselor has written that "every man's anger is righteous indignation in his own eyes."
Pride fuels anger and points it in the wrong direction. Instead of solving the problem, we attack the person. "How dare he stand in my way! What is he thinking? He is doing this on purpose. He doesn't want me to succeed. I'll show him..."
Wisdom recognizes that our response to some obstacle is the determining factor. "The fool shows his annoyance all at once" (12:16) and "gives full vent to his anger" (29: 11). Quick temper puts folly on display (14:29). Instead, the wise man "keeps himself under control" (29: 11). Instead of allowing pride to flame out of control, he gives careful thought to how he should respond. The wise man has several responses that help him to avoid sin (see below). The fool, armed with prideful indignation, is about to reap trouble (22:8).
This was the mistake of the pastor above. He did not seek
reconciliation but instead took offense. He decided to hold onto his anger and
actively oppose the one who threatened his relative's success. "A
hot-tempered man stirs up dissension" (15:18) and can set a whole mission
on fire (see 29:8). What the pastor didn't understand is that his lack of
control opened him up to the attacks of the enemy. He became a "city whose
walls are broken down" (25:28). Satan had 
gained a foothold and left him
vulnerable. A hot-tempered man commits many sins (29:22).
Sinful anger is expressed in a variety of ways. When a fool
allows full vent to his anger, he causes those around him to withdraw, even if
the outburst is not directed at them. If the anger is directed at the source of
his frustration, the relationship is immediately lost. Only repentance and
forgiveness can restore it. Sometimes the fool will save his anger until he
gets home and attack a substitute, like a wife or child. Wisdom says it is
better to reside in the desert than to live with such a person (21:19).
Sometimes the fool will turn his anger inward, resulting in depression,
bitterness, and eventual loss of friendship. "Doesn't anyone care about
what he did 
to me?" This is usually the
choice of those who become angry with God.
One counselor described anger as "the chief saboteur of the mind." When anger is harbored, it twists the thoughts of a person. Anger draws up a list of offenses, real and supposed. Every action and interaction with the opponent is read through that grid. The whole world divides into two groups, "us" and "them." Eventually, the angry man is left alone with his paranoia and his theories of conspiracy. "Why is it always me? I feel like I have a target on my head."
Anger the Contagion
Anger is described in Proverbs in several ways. Anger is cruel and overwhelming (27:4), both to the fool and to those around him. When a superior is angry, wisdom compares it to the roar of a lion (19:12) and a messenger of death (16:14). Ever work for an angry boss? Probably not for very long!
Anger is heavier than stone and more burdensome than sand (27:3). Ask the husband of an ill-tempered wife (21:19). Consider the way the atmosphere in a home changes when a fool has given full vent to his anger. Spouse and children are destroyed by the fall-out of his emotional blast. While others run for the desert, family cannot withdraw from the anger. Day after day, they are subject to the assault. And it changes them.
Strife. Heaviness. Cruelty. And vulnerability. Anger opens the door to a host of sins and reduces the protection for all those around him. This vulnerability is what did the pastor in. He refused to close the door to his anger and anger brought along some friends. He was left unprotected. Lust walked through the door and his ministry ended. I don't think the lust was premeditated. He just couldn't stop the idea when it came. He was a city without walls. Lust was not the cause, anger was.
Did you ever notice how easy it is to give into some other sin when someone has made you angry? One wife came for counseling because she had fallen into adultery. When pressed about her sin, she exclaimed, "My husband's not altogether innocent either, you know. He's done plenty of things wrong." Temptation walked through the door held open by a laundry list of offenses. Paul was right. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath (see Ephesians 4:26-27).
Anger causes loss of relationships. It will push others away, whether it is vented or internalized. If it is internalized, others have to guess at the problem. "Can't she see what she has done to me? I'm not speaking to her again. She knows why I'm mad and she doesn't care!" Perhaps the worst part of anger is that it is contagious. Wisdom carries this warning:
"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,
Do not associate with one easily angered,
Or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared" (22:24-25).
Anger is a learned behavior. Choose your companions wisely. We give our friends power to teach us. Because we want them in our circle, we begin to respond, consciously or unconsciously, as we see them respond.
Imagine a child in the household of an angry man. Everyday the child learns how to deal with frustrating circumstances and annoying people by watching his father. He will grow up to respond in exactly the same way because that is all he knows.
A principal of a Christian school was about ready to expel a
student for continuing verbal attacks on his female teachers. As a last-ditch
effort, he called the boy's pastor. One question to 
the boy from his pastor reduced
him to tears. "Son, does your daddy hit your mommy?" Every day, by
example, we teach our children to respond to the frustrations of life. Anger
declares open season on the children of a hot-tempered man.
How the Wise Man Responds
Can change happen? Is it possible to control anger? Picture yourself in the middle of a righteous tirade directed at your child when the phone rings. Your polite answer to the phone teaches two things. First, anger can be controlled. Second, you were choosing not to control it.
When annoyance comes to a wise man, he keeps himself under control (29: I l). "A man's wisdom gives him patience" (19:11). "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city (16:32). Patience gives him time to analyze the irritation and to check his pride. If it is a small thing, he will overlook it for the sake of the relationship (19:11). How do you know if it is small? Ask yourself, can you forgive and forget or is it going to eat at your relationship? "A prudent man overlooks an insult" and it is to his credit (12:16; 19:11).
Through self-control and patience, a wise man can calm the tirades of an angry man (15:18). "Mockers stir up a city but wise men turn away anger" (29:8). A gentle answer brings peace. Proverbs even talks about the effectiveness of a bribe in soothing anger (21 : 14). If the one who is angry can be reminded that you care for him anyway and have his best interests at heart, you may be able to pacify his wrath.
What do you do if you cannot overlook the offense? First, don't get angry yourself. Second, go only to the angry man with your complaint (don't gossip). Reprove him so that he won't be wise in his own eyes but be careful that you do not join him in his sin (26:4-5).
Perhaps with gentleness and patience, you can win your friend. Wisdom holds no guarantee.
This is why Matthew 18 is so helpful in dealing with offenses. Jesus tells his disciples to follow this pattern when a breach occurs between friends. Go to the friend. If the issue cannot be settled, go again with a friend or mediator. If the issue is still not settled, then take it to the church.
I knew a pastor once who faced the wrath of an angry man. The man came to him and asked to speak to him alone about his concerns. The man believed the pastor should step down from ministry. The pastor thought his concerns were wildly off the mark, but they were character issues. He knew enough about himself to know that there were parts of his personality that weren't as obvious to him as they were to everyone else. Following the second step in Matthew 1 8, he invited him to meet with the other leaders of his church. His concerns were a laundry list of grievances, not a single issue. In the middle of the meeting, he began to realize that the other elders didn't share his view. He left the meeting in anger and cut himself off from the fellowship of the body. Matthew 18 had protected the ministry and the pastor's reputation. How grateful he was for the wisdom of his partners in ministry!
What if you are asked to be the mediator between two parties? If the issue is single “You didn't invite me to your party," then it is easily resolved. If the issue is a laundry list of grievances, then you are dealing with an angry heart. Matthew 18 is a recipe for reconciliation. It also tells you what to do with the unrepentant.
Dealing with anger is a difficult thing. Proverbs reminds us that it is not often rewarding. Sometimes our desire to resolve issues and to protect the angry man allows him to continue in his sin. We love the spouse or child who struggles with anger. We repair the things he breaks. We make excuses for his behavior to those he offends. We support him financially while he looks for yet another job. Letting him suffer the consequences of his anger may be the discipline he needs to change. "A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty, if you rescue him, you will have to do it again" (19:19).
Anger in Our Culture
Anger is on the rise in our culture. Road rage. Domestic violence. Ad Hominem attacks in political debate. A boyfriend murders his girlfriend and then turns the gun on himself. Nobody remembers him as a particularly angry man. We search for reasons to reassure ourselves that it couldn't happen to us.
Wisdom has taught us that anger is fueled by pride and self-centeredness. Our culture has taught us to be self-centered and to have great expectations. We deserve riches, fame, and happiness without work, sacrifice, or pain. All the joy of achievement is sucked out by the idea that we deserve so much more. We have lost the significance of living for Someone higher than ourselves, for a nobler cause.
Pride is one source of societal anger. Another is the vacuum left by a banished God. Nothing matters anymore. We work hard to buy things we don't need. We rent one more video to entertain us and salve the pain of meaningless existence. Our senses are overstimulated, and it has taken away from the richness of our lives. Here's how one cultural critic put it:
"Decadence is the decay that results from the hollowing out of meanings. When decadence is in full swing, meanings are not only hollow, but we exult in the gutting of them. This we call autonomy, liberation, freedom. It's the very banality of it all that sucks every bit of meaning, truth, and purpose out of life. And that's the real definition of decadence.”
We live with a low-level anger at the banality of contemporary life. We are dying of boredom. We are made to be heroes, but it will have to wait until the television show is over. "It's not easy to be me" is the anthem of the post-modern super-hero. "I'm here to save the world, but I want to know, who's gonna save me?"
We are angry as a society because we have been told that materialism and hedonism and humanism satisfy, and they don't. Intrinsically, we know there must be something more. We are angry because the answer is hidden from us. The answer to this kind of philosophical anger is Jesus. When we meet Him in His full-orbed glory and get a taste of his love and peace and holiness, we will find that His beauty satisfies that inner ache in our souls. The only answer to this kind of anger is Jesus.
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